My mother’s ready to die. She flat out admits it as if she’s announcing she’d like cream in her coffee. Matter of fact, “I’m done. It’s been a good life… Your father’s gone. I’m ready.”
This is not shocking coming from her. She’s always been matter of fact, if not unedited, something we love about her.
I’ve been pondering her adamant stance and the distinction between my elderly friends and clients who love their lives, who greet each day with a heartfelt, “thank you,” and others, like my mother, who are pissed off and flat out DONE…
It’s a matter of life force coursing.
It’s about having a sense of purpose, passion, creativity, zest for life, verve.
You’ve got to have a reason to get up in the morning, to feel good about yourself and your reason for being.
Boredom is the antithesis of life force.
I myself have been in a funk of late. I spend more time watching movies and sitting idle and alone on my mountainside… Occasionally ruminating on grievances and licking my wounds from conflicts that have divided my family.
As time passes it’s not so much about feeling my feelings, integrating and moving on… (which is imperative.) I feel bogged down, sucked down a drain of sorrow. I feel my life force leaving me. I’m sad. I’m bored. I’m unfulfilled. Passion is nowhere to be found.
Great. Understood. Now, what to do about it?…
It’s a choice, like everything else.
It’s quite simply doing something, anything, which brings happiness, a smidge of joy, upliftment, self-care, and self-love.
Baths bring me solace. As does my loveable hound. Walking up to the top of the mountain fills my lungs and heart with the yumminess of many varieties.
Helping others is what most fulfills me… Maybe I’ll add some volunteer work to my schedule and allow for a serious dose of perspective.
Here’s the thing; whatever that is for you, that nectar of life-affirming stuff which fills you, you’ve got to do THAT.
We all do.
And it’s ever-changing with each season or transformation. Sometimes we’ve got to begin a new chapter of self-discovery.
We’re ever-evolving creatures.
Momma has no life force coursing… and she’s not about to look for more of it at 85.
It’s not age which diminishes life force. It’s our ruts, our laziness, our choices, our fears, our paralysis, our overly-focused grievances, our lack of gratitude, our lack of balance.
*Please, in no way in hell am I discussing clinical depression. (Although there is low-level depression present with my mother and myself and if lingered here for long, certainly an avenue to clinical depression…but that’s another blog.) I am not addressing severe depression and suicidal tendencies. This is about choosing to fill our lives with purpose, passion, gratitude, perspective, and happiness.
What I know for sure is, the moments that make up our lives are our doing. We can reach for what fills us or what depletes us.
Choose as if your life depends upon it.